Yesterday, while having some feels, I picked up an old favorite book with a small note inside:

“Smith Family Bookstore, 1pm, 8/18/14”

Who knows what else I had been up to that day? — likely an uneventful work day in Eugene in which I stole away during the lunch hour to wander the aisles — dreaming my favorite dreams for a bit before real life came crashing back in. Perhaps I would have recalled the day anyway while re-reading, or conflated that with another time?

Someday, the boys will have to sort thru all of the detritus I left behind…never fully knowing why this book stayed on shelf after shelf, moving from house to apartment to house, across an ocean no less, only to end up in the ‘donate’ pile that we all leave behind. Maybe it won’t survive that long, as I live on a tropical island now where Nature’s damp, mold, floods, or hurricanes might re-claim the delicate little pages before anyone else needs to concern themselves with whether or not I loved a thing, or simply couldn’t let go.

A bit of melancholy musing, but not sad. I’m here. I’m now.

And there’s even a bit more of this August left still for a re-read…

xoxo,
m

Oh, ah, hmmm, look at that… I wonder if this can deliver?

“…hopefully as you transform our words, you will keep some sense of the vastness of each moment, the illusion of holding more story in your mind than you are actually capable of holding.”

~ xoxo, m

I’ve made so few posts here (sigh…maybe for the best… perhaps not?) that anyone giving a quick glance at the prior entries will see these annual items & know the story of them having been my #MostFaveBandEVAR for a dozen years now. Its odd to realize the differences between my life then & to now… the people & things lost somehow loom larger than what’s been gained, & the xx music has so much longing in it — something I know resonated deeply with me upon first listen & still works its magic.

Its been pretty quiet on the site here, as I’ve pulled back from the constant social media posting of years past to dwell instead on personal things, but I think (fingers crossed) that might change this year, as I’ve been re-focused on completing some of those long-simmering projects & conquering my deep, oh-so-deep sense of inertia. More on all of that later…

I moved to Hawaii in Oct’22. Its pretty great, but as a tiny island in the Pacific that’s far, far away from everything, its *ahem* isolated as far as live music goes. Not a decent concert for me from a favorite band in all the time since the move, which is quite a downgrade. I have, however, self-promised to fly over to the mainland when necessary, & by most accounts it seems that the xx are working on new tunes, surely with a tour coming soon after. Also, btw, Romy’s LP was a banger. Loved it.

Another year gone, but at least I heard music.

moar later, babies, xoxoxo ~ m

From 4/26/2012 (my first hearing) til now, #1 on the chart…

It’s been a busy year, as we moved the family from PDX to an island paradise, & I’ve had old worries & tasks replaced by new projects, but even still there’s a moment every day — at least once, sometimes more — when a wistful shiver passes thru me, like a memory of past wants bubbling up to remind you what it feels like to need something. To miss something. How else do we stay human? Nothing soundtracks that feeling for me like the xx.

Always & forever, babies. #F3